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The first rule of this soda is

DON’T DRINK
THIS SODA.

The second rule of this soda is…

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Lemon Ginger Can
Orange Creamsicle Can
Classic Cola Can
Strawberry Lemonade Can

REASONS TO AVOID THIS SODA AT ALL COSTS

Not nearly enough sugar

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These sodas will put your poor dentist out of business.

How will your dentist afford that new yacht?

No Artificial Sweeteners

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Now you’ll NEVER become a superhero!

We know how much you love those mysterious lab-created flavors.

Electrolytes Included

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Can we please save it for the marathon runners?

What is this, a sports drink? We clearly don’t understand the market.

Contains Prebiotic Fiber

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This soda is basically a vegetable...

And no one likes vegetables. Go eat some kale.

Packed with Vitamin C

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Guess you’ll just have to skip scurvy now.

So boring. Where’s the thrill of living on the edge?

Infused with Turmeric

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Golden dust? Ugh, how mainstream.

Next thing you know, this soda’s doing yoga and journaling.

FLAVORS YOU SHOULD NOT TRY

Lemon Ginger Can

Zesty with a kick and zero patience, this lemon ginger firecracker might just start a fight with your tongue.

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Orange Creamsicle Can

Might actually wake up your taste buds. Consider yourself warned, this orange creamsicle dreamsicle doesn’t play nice.

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Cola Can

Thought you knew classic cola? Think again. This one’s got attitude, bubbles, and zero respect for your nostalgia.

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Strawberry Lemonade Can

Bright, bold, and a little too confident, this strawberry lemonade doesn’t take criticism or direction well.

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THE EVIDENCE

Lemon Ginger Can Front
Lemon Ginger Can Angle
Lemon Ginger Can Back